I was asked this question a few times so I thought I’d make it into a blog post. There are so many differences I’m not even sure where to start. Mainly the question came up on Twitter because She Speaks was held the weekend after BlogHer.

First let me share a little bit about BlogHer. Honestly, if you are reading my blog because of She Speaks, you may not have ever heard of BlogHer. BlogHer is “the community for women who blog.” That’s there tag line. In 2007, the co-founders of the online community decided to put on an IRL (in real life) conference. They had people either volunteer to lead sessions or they asked some of the “big name” bloggers to present. They setup sessions for everything from the interests people blog about (crafts, food, etc.) to the business side of blogging. They had sessions on the techie stuff, branding, writing, and building communities online. Stories about the kind of gifts (swag) that were available at the first conferences just grew. Many big businesses saw this as an opportunity to market to women, and setup a booth on the exhibit floor. I’m not sure how many people attended the first BlogHer, but I did hear that around 1,500 women descended upon Chicago this year.

If you go to the BlogHer website, you will see many women bloggers post there about everything from home life to politics. These posts are in addition to the posts that the ladies post on their own blogs. To be quite honest, I never “got” BlogHer. I had enough trouble of my own posting to my own blog, why would I want to post there too? Looking around the website though I realized that there are many, many different women that are a part of that community — many, many people with different lifestyles and different views from me. That’s not bad — I just didn’t see anyone there even remotely close to “like” me. I didn’t feel like I would fit in there at all. And, I’ve never had a desire to go to the BlogHer conferences. Seriously? With all the talk of parties — exclusive most of them — where ladies are getting drunk off their booties — that just doesn’t entice me to go. Not. At. All.

Now, please don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to badmouth BlogHer, and I have never been so I don’t know first-hand how things are — just what I’ve heard from other bloggers. I also know several Christian women who attended BlogHer this year — I just know they were in the very small minority there.

She Speaks is very different. She Speaks was started by the Proverbs 31 Ministries ladies as a professional conference for Christian writers, speakers and women’s ministry leaders. From the day the last conference ended, the next conference is covered in prayer. This year there were around 600 ladies (200 more on the waiting list I heard) in attendance. There are main general sessions where ladies teach from the Bible a message that is relevant to all of us. There are breakout sessions on different tracks. The speaking track has sessions like Tailoring Your Message to Fit Each Event, Fear Not!, and The Power of a Story. The writing track has sessions like The Pathway to Publication, Magazine Writing 101, How to Write a Book, and Writing Book Proposals that Get Noticed.

In addition to these sessions, this year they added some blogging sessions. It was more of another track that I hope they will change so that more people can come. Whether you are a writer, speaker or women’s ministry leader, you will want to learn about blogging. Because they added this blogging track and most of us bloggers there tweet, we brought some exposure to She Speaks that wasn’t there before.

If you are just starting out, the sessions are wonderful to get you on your way. If you are a little more seasoned, you have the opportunity to schedule meetings with different publishers that are there as well. This provides an awesome opportunity for you to get your writings noticed, or just get feedback from a writer’s critique group. The speakers have critique groups as well if you are ready for that. Hmmm, maybe next year they should have a bloggers critique group A word of warning about She Speaks, it is expensive — more so than other blogging conferences I’ve seen put on. But it’s so totally worth it. God has a way of making a way if this is where you should be for sure.

God is at She Speaks — in a big way! He’s everywhere. I’m sure there may have been issues between ladies there, but I didn’t see any of it. Everyone seem to have an encouraging spirit about them. It’s not about competition. It was about learning to be better at what you felt God has called you to do whether that’s writing, speaking or just blogging.

{other She Speaks posts}

Wow. I know that when you have a “high” like She Speaks was last weekend, that coming down back to life … back to reality … sorry, flashback to an old song … anyway, coming back down can be tough. At She Speaks there are all these great women, and you really feel the presence of God there. Life would be so much easier if we had 600+ women surrounding us in prayer every day wouldn’t it?

I haven’t disappeared — I’ve had to pull myself away from Twitter, from my blog and from Facebook. I’ve been working on the site She Seeks (part of the reason I got to go to She Speaks). So in order to get it up, running and looking pretty by Monday, I’ve had to take some time off from everything else online-related. Don’t worry. I haven’t been working so hard on it that I’ve neglected my family

I have tons more to post about — tips and such that I gained from each session I was in. Things I want to share with you whether you were there or not — because blogging is a passion of mine. Well, that and using WordPress So hopefully things this coming week will settle in to a routine. Perhaps I’ll even get to see the top of my desk again!

One of my newest buddies from She Speaks, LauraLee made me smile when she said last week that I exude peace. Boy, did I need a lot of that peace this morning. Doodle is about to succeed in driving me to pull all my hair out. Such a change from last week. But that’s why I know the peace inside me — it doesn’t come from me. There’s no way it can. It comes from God. I’m going to have a little talk with Him right now about giving me that peace back — before I lose all of my hair.

{other She Speaks posts}

Hi, my name is Lisa and I have a problem. I steal blessings. I don’t mean to, really I don’t. I just don’t know how to receive them. I love to give them. I love to do things to bless other people. I just don’t receive them from others very well.

Especially Heather and I are a lot alike. By the end of the weekend we were finishing each other’s sentences. She would stop in mid-sentence sometimes or forget what she was about to say — then she’d just grin and say “chemo brain.” When I would do the exact.same.thing I asked her if I could claim “sympathy chemo brain.” She was gracious and said she would give that to me

We have a lot in common too — especially when it comes to not knowing how to receive blessings sometimes. For her (and I hope she doesn’t mind me saying this) it’s greatly due to she doesn’t want to be anyone’s charity case. I honestly don’t know what my excuse is — I just know it’s a problem.

I want to give to others. I want to be a blessing. I want to help others. Sometimes I want to give so much that I feel guilty receiving anything in return. Totally putting my soul out here, I’m going to share that I have money issues. When I do work for people (helping them fix their blogs or what not), I love it. It’s something I do well and it relieves a lot of frustration for others. But when it comes to someone wanting to pay me for that help? I freeze. What do you charge? Um, if you don’t ask me that — if you don’t make me feel uncomfortable talking about money — then I’d just do it for free.

I know Duck’s gonna read that last line and cringe. One thing I realized in the Prayer Room Sunday is that I don’t see the value in the gifts God’s given me and I feel really weird getting paid for that. Charlotte told me (paraphrasing here because it was all done through my tears) essentially I’m stealing other people’s blessings. Other people want to pay me for my work because God’s blessed them with the funds to do so. They want to invest in their ministry, and one way they can do that is to pay me for my work. It blesses them. It would bless me, and then in turn I can use that money to bless someone else.

I know it shouldn’t all be about the money. That’s not where the focus should be — it should be on God. I’m so very thankful that Especially Heather accepted my blessing in traveling to this conference. She blessed the socks off me — I know that. Just the conversations we had, the bond we now share, it’s just awesome.

Blessings: Pay it forward

The conference was ending up. We were gathering to say our last in-person goodbyes (we all are bloggers/tweeters after all!). I asked Laura Lee, Lisa Williams and Amy Bayliss when their flights were leaving. I was seriously trying to convince them to go to lunch with us. Lisa resisted saying she felt God leading her to get to the airport early. I can’t wait to hear what God did for her or through her at the airport! But I guilted Laura Lee into going with us. She was worried about missing the shuttle to the airport, and I assured her we had plenty of time — and that I having a car, would get her to the airport if we missed the shuttle.

We went up front to leave Laura Lee’s and Amy’s luggage with the concierge at the hotel and went off to lunch. Laura Lee paid me the biggest, nicest comment. She said “next to you I feel at peace.” She was funny because she stepped away from me and said “over here, chaos. Over here, peace.” It blessed my heart ya’ll. Evidently I blessed her heart too. Pretty awesome how that works, right?

Amy rode over to the restaurant in Dawn’s car and then Mari, Heather, Laura Lee and I in mine. I confessed to Heather on the way over that I felt like I needed to talk to Amy — she’s doing what I want to do, and I felt I could help her. I had passed by and talked to Amy here and there all weekend, but I didn’t have the courage to tell her I wanted to help her or work with her or whatever God had in mind. Heather had been working on me all weekend telling me that I need to Be Bold. I need to have confidence in myself. She said that I tend to hang back and that’s not always good. She insisted I tell Amy at lunch or she was going to do it for me.

We all sit down for lunch. Everyone’s talking, laughing, joking. Amy’s sitting at the other end of the table about as far as she can get from me — there were only 6 of us Then I blurted it out. Something to the effect of “Amy, I feel like I need to tell you I want to work with you. I have no idea doing what, but I just know I’m supposed to tell you that.” Her eyes got huge and what she said, brought on the Holy Spirit chills. She said she had been praying all weekend for God to send her an assistant because she was so overwhelmed.

Ya’ll, if I didn’t speak up, God couldn’t have used me to bless someone else. He wanted to use me to answer someone else’s prayer and because I was feeling insecure about myself, my skills — I was about to let the weekend slip away without saying anything.

Laura Lee wasn’t sure about coming to lunch, but I got her to the airport on time — not early but she made her flight, and she got the opportunity to buy Heather’s lunch which let her bless Heather. All weekend it was just a series of blessings — women of God loving on each other, building each other up, and I hope that carries over.

When we don’t let people do things for us or give us things, we’re stealing blessings — not only from them but from God too. God wants to send us blessings. He wants to give us gifts. We need to learn to say “thank you” and then turn around being open to what God wants us to do to bless others.

Even though I have money issues and I didn’t want to take any money for gas or driving the ladies to the airport, someone stuck $20 in my purse. Thank you

{other She Speaks posts}

The Prayer Room is constructed each year with great care. It is situated directly across from the conference room entrance. Women said the moment they entered they felt the need to remove their shoes, for the Holy Spirit was so evident. As you step beyond the threshold, the lamp lit room casts shadows of the cross. Scattered chairs, cushioned benches, and pillows dot the floor. Three tables beyond the kneeling benches invite you to Come To Him. It is as if you are moving into the Holy of Holies to meet with God.

– Luann Prater, Encouragement Cafe

Luann shared what the Prayer Room is on Encouragement Cafe today (go over to read more). I believe I ran into Luann last year in the registration area and she told me about the prayer room. On the 3 tables Luann mentioned above, there are the many names of God printed on a letter size sheet of paper. Everyone who is attending the conference has their name printed on a slip of paper. Names go out to prayer teams way before the conference, but these printed slips of paper are prayed over the night before. She said the names are placed on the pages in accordance to how much that person needs to realize God is that for them.

Last year I felt lost. I almost didn’t go in. I was thinking it was for other people. God had a message for them — not me. But as the weekend wore on, I felt compelled to go in. I was nervous, anxious, and excited to figure out where my name was — I was expecting a huge ah-ha moment. When I found my name, I was let down. I was in between two names of God (what they were I can’t even remember now). It was like I was floating out in space somewhere — not sure of what I needed. Maybe I needed both names. I knew it wasn’t anyone else’s fault but mine. Somehow I hadn’t prayed enough before coming … had enough quiet time … I hadn’t done something right.

I wish I could tell you that leading up to She Speaks this year was different. My quiet time was spotty at best. Quick prayers sent up here and there. Conversations with God more like smiling and saying “hey” while passing in the hallway. When I got to She Speaks, the Prayer Room haunted me. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go in for me, but I knew Especially Heather needed to go. I even waited until Saturday night to tell her about it. I felt awful for that, but God knew we didn’t need to be in there until Sunday morning.

We ate breakfast and gathered our stuff. I knew I was going to cry. I was trying to prepare myself for walking in there. We went in and put our stuff down by the door. The room was unbelievable — just like last year. There was a peace inside it unlike anywhere else — even your own room. We began looking for our names on the tables. We came across Heather’s first — it was on “JEHOVAH-JIREH: The Lord Will Provide.” She cried. I fought back tears.

She went to pray with one of the prayer partners. I continued looking for my name. Then I saw it. Remember how I said the slips are placed on the paper as much as that person needs that name? My slip? Wasn’t just hanging off the edge. The whole slip of paper was on this name of God — not just on the paper, right at the top. Like God wrote my name to start a letter and that’s what He was writing to me.

JEHOVAH-RAPHA: The Lord Who Heals

At first I laughed. God’s got a great sense of humor. How can I bring Especially Heather to She Speaks, brain cancer survivor, and my name is on The Lord Who Heals? I started to feel guilty about my name being on the Healer when so many ladies coming to She Speaks wanted healing. Then I read the text at the bottom:

God has provided the final cure for spiritual, physical, and emotional sickness in Jesus Christ God can heal us.

I lost it. Emotional sickness? My mind was only thinking of the physical. I sat, praying and crying. Crying and praying. Heather had finished praying with Charlotte. She stood and grabbed me and said “here, you need to pray with her. She’s good.” I sat and talked to her and we prayed and it was good. I shared with her some emotional hurts I had. I lack confidence in myself. Sometimes it’s hard for me to balance having confidence in the skills and gifts God’s given me — to not wanting to be self-confident, cocky? Charlotte shared with me similar struggles and we had a wonderful time of sharing and praying.

I realize that I don’t see the value in the skills and gifts God’s given me. I don’t see the value in me, and I need to. I need to look at myself through God’s eyes. That’s hard for me. But I’m going to work on it. Because Doodle? She’s picked up the same attitude. I don’t know how, or why, but she has. Before I left for She Speaks my heart was hurting — hurting badly — for Doodle. She wrote on a worksheet in school “I’m useless.” What 10-year-old writes “I’m useless”? Evidently mine.

The Lord Who Heals. I’m praying for a lot of healing. Healing of my insecurities. Healing of my daughter’s insecurities. Healing of past hurts. I need God to heal us because I can’t do that. And before I walked into the Prayer Room, I didn’t even know I needed to be healed.

²⁵ Then Moses cried out to the LORD, and the LORD showed him a piece of wood. He threw it into the water, and the water became sweet. There the LORD made a decree and a law for them, and there he tested them. ²⁶ He said, “If you listen carefully to the voice of the LORD your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the LORD, who heals you.”

²⁷ Then they came to Elim, where there were twelve springs and seventy palm trees, and they camped there near the water.

– Exodus 15:25-27

³ who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,

– Psalm 103:3

³ He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

– Psalm 147:3

²⁴He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.

– 1 Peter 2:24

{other She Speaks posts}

I was a little hesitant to share the story about how I was getting to She Speaks. Now I realize it was such a God thing that I shouldn’t keep it just to myself.

Last year at She Speaks I literally wondered why I was there. I signed up kinda of spur of the moment because 3 big bloggers were going to be there (Rocks in my dryer, BooMama, and Big Mama). I was lost ya’ll. Not physically lost. But emotionally? mentally? yeah, lost. Wondering what in the world I was doing there. God kept putting Especially Heather on my heart. “She should be here instead of me,” I kept thinking. “She’s got 2 huge stories that need to get out there — to be heard.”

I wish I could say that I prayed about it. I didn’t really. On my own I was trying to figure out how we (Duck and I) could pay for her conference fee so she could go this year. I could pick her up, take her there, stay with her, pay for her food and her conference, but then I’d need to pay for the conference for me. I was distraught. There’s no way we could pay for all that. But still, in my heart I knew Heather needed to be at this conference.

I worked up the courage (I learned this weekend I’m lacking in confidence but more on this later) to email Lysa. Ya’ll, I felt like I was begging and I hate to do that. In the email I put that I would do anything I could volunteer-wise if there was a way for Heather’s conference to be covered. In the back of my head I was also trying to figure out how I could pay for mine. That wasn’t important right then. I just knew I would pay for it somehow.

Months went by and I never heard from Lysa. I know she’s busy. I know it was a horrible time to email her around the holidays. I read on her blog where she had replied to emails in her head only to realize later she never did send the email. I can so relate to that. I truly believe she didn’t mean not to get back to me, but then the devil started up with his lies. She probably laughed when she read that wondering who you think you are. You couldn’t volunteer there. There’s nothing you have to offer them. They are the Proverbs 31 ladies. They have their pick of ladies to work with.

I hate the devil. I really, really do. I hate it even more when I fall for his lies. A couple of my bloggy friends were asked to do presentations this year and I was trying really hard to be happy for them. As I was talking to them about the sessions they were going to teach, they said “you’re going to be there, right? Lysa’s mentioned you.” Um, I didn’t know anything about it? I was confused. The devil likes to confuse things.

Struggling for a few weeks on whether or not I should send another email, I finally sent one to LeAnne. She is the blessing that heads up the organizing and volunteers. I can’t even tell you what I said in the email but after I sent it I was sure I sounded like a lunatic. But I had to know for sure. LeAnne wrote me back a sweet email and said something to the effect of “yeah, I thought you were coming and bringing a friend.”

Whew! I was so thankful! I began emailing LeAnne and saying whatever you need me to do, I’ll do it. Clean toilets. Sweep floors. Anything. I just knew Heather had to be there. She asked me to fix some things on the conference web site which I happily did. Oh this is stuff I can really do — not that I can’t clean toilets — I can. I’d just much rather deal with code

Then she emailed me. Proverbs 31 was setting up a new web site for a new ministry. They had someone doing the graphics, but she didn’t have the time to setup the site. If I could do it, she would take care of both of our conferences. {jaw hits the desk at this point – God’s awesome isn’t He?} Um, heck yeah! So I’m emailing Heather saying if you can pay for the flight to get to me, everything else is covered.

They did a “soft launch” (officially launching August 10th) of the She Seeks website at She Speaks and had a table setup. I got to meet Lisa Whittle who is heading up this new ministry. I also got to meet Sarah and Nicki who were working the table. I sat down with Sarah and was showing her some stuff about WordPress, and when we finished, she said “wow, I feel like I need to pay you or something.” It was perfect timing because Especially Heather was standing there, and we told Sarah the story. Because they had a vision (5 years ago) and wanted to launch this site, Especially Heather and I were able to come to the conference. God knew. He knew 5 years ago what Especially Heather was going to go through and that she needed to be there this year.

One of many times over the weekend I got what I call the Holy Spirit chills. And that, my friends, is how I ended up at She Speaks this year.

{other She Speaks posts}