Personal

Lest you think I have it all together

By Lisa B on February 3, 2010

Let me reassure you, I.do.not.

After I wrote my prayer post Monday night, where I laid my heart out there, honestly it felt great. It felt great to write like that again. The type of writing that I’ll know one day I’ll go back and read and not believe it was really me who wrote it.

Then Tuesday comes and I found out that a few tweets I’d sent out upset someone. If you have that little nagging feeling you shouldn’t tweet something (or Facebook status something) then don’t. I need to pray about my tweets too.

Nearly the whole day I felt frustrated and angry. School is out yet again (3rd day) for snow. We’ve been cooped up in the house since Friday. As much as I would like to blame it on PMS, I know it’s just my flesh fighting back. See, when I finally made the decision not to go to BlissDom, I felt God’s peace about it. I knew it was going to be hard when it got to the week of, but I thought I’d be ok. Honestly though I’ve been fighting having myself a pity party. So I’ve been praying.a.lot.

If you are going to BlissDom, it’s going to hit — if it hasn’t already. One or all of your children will start crying or fussing about how you are going to be gone. Things won’t get done. The house won’t be clean. Mommy guilt sets in. If you’re not going, it’s going to hit — if it hasn’t already. Plans change. Snow hits. You’re trapped inside your dusty, dirty house and don’t feel like cleaning. Kids get sick. You get sick.

I am praying for you. The devil doesn’t like it when we’re going about doing God’s work. He wants to distract us with those things that we think we should be doing instead. If you know it’s God’s will for you to go, then also trust in God to take care of things at home while you are gone. If it’s God’s will for you to miss this one, then focus on Him and what He’d have you do instead — maybe it’s joining me in prayer for our sisters in Christ to not be overwhelmed, to fight off temptation and make the better choice.

So, please don’t think I’m some great spiritual prayer warrior. Prayer is more than the most important thing — it’s necessary for survival — for every one of us.

| Filed Under: BlissDom 10, Personal, Prayer Requests

Reentry is hard

By Lisa B on January 18, 2010

From Thursday through Saturday, I spent time with many amazing women. We prayed. We listened. We talked. We worshiped together. We laughed. We cried. By the end of our time together, we were pumped up for God — ready to do His work. We were excited and ready to get back home to our families — to share what we learned, what we heard, and what we did.

Reentry is hard.

But many of us were dealing with things back home. When we stepped off the planes we had to adjust. We had to hold back. Perhaps the airport is not the right place to dump all of our enthusiasm on our families. Perhaps they were really thankful that we were home and wanted to share their stories instead of hearing ours. Perhaps we did or did not do something that hurt them or made them angry while we were gone.

Reentry is hard.

But they are often hard on themselves when they don’t see all these things happening on a daily basis. They are quick to observe all they are doing wrong and slow to appreciate all they are doing right.

– Power of a Praying Woman, pg. 36 by Stormie Omartian

This is me. To a capital T. I am hard on myself for everything I did wrong. When I look back over the weekend, there are things that I did wrong and things I did right. The ones eating at my soul are the things I did wrong.

Reentry is hard.

This morning I sat down with my journal and poured my heart out to God. I couldn’t even put into words some of what I am feeling, but I know God knows and understands what I need. I also prayed for the other ladies I met this weekend who are going back home to bigger struggles than I can even imagine.

Reentry is hard, but God is bigger than my problems.

| Filed Under: Conferences, Family, Personal, Women of Faith

To Tithe or Not to Tithe

By Lisa B on January 10, 2010

I just have to share some God-greatness that’s happened recently.

You may remember back in December I wrote a post about beating myself up — something I struggle with often. Well, over the holiday break, Duck took over the finances and began paying bills his way. We talked this week about whether or not we should tithe, because like a gazillion other people we have debts.

Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. — Malachi 3:10 (NIV)

Duck has this quote printed out and taped to his monitor so he’ll see it all the time. It’s the only place in the Bible where the Lord says “test me.” Every time we have tested him, we have been blessed beyond measure! I told Duck I thought we should make sure we tithe — though keep in mind while I was doing the finances and stressing things, I did not tithe on any kind of regular basis.

So Duck said he would think about it, pray about it and look at it before Sunday. He wrote the check Saturday for the tithe. We got an insurance reimbursement check in the mail. I was paid for some work I did on a ministry website — this morning! A few other people that I have helped out just sent me money. Ya’ll, none of this was expected, and you know what? The total was more than we tithed.

I have been stressing going to BlissDom (an awesome blogging conference in Nashville at the beginning of February). I’ve been wondering if I should go — what’s the point? I’ve been praying about it a lot. Others are going to learn how they can make money off their blogs — others are going for relationships. Nothing at all against them, but I decided a long time ago not try and make money from this blog. It’s personal. It’s for God. But you know what? I’ve actually earned enough money freelancing to pay my way there. I get to room with 3 other ladies — one who I’ve known online for what seems like years. The other two? I just got hooked up with online.

The really cool thing? We’re all Christians. Relationships. I pray that while I’m there I can help a few people — not only with their bloggy questions, but maybe give them some encouragement as well. I believe that God has me going there for His purpose and His glory. I hope I do Him proud and don’t argue with Him too much

Even with the way the economy is, I dare you to tithe. Seriously. God is bigger than the mess we’re in.

| Filed Under: Blessings, Marriage, Money, Personal

2009 Recap

By Lisa B on January 6, 2010

Procrastinate much? Me neither

I’m having fun looking back through my archives. Initially I was thinking not much happened in 2009, but when I went back to read, I realized a lot happened in 2009! My memory sucks so it’s just validation as to why I should be blogging in the first place — to help me remember!

I’ll try to keep this short and painless for you

January

I hate resolutions. In January I picked 3 words and I’d still pick the same 3 words for this year! I was reminded of a day when I was ready to lose my cool, but Doodle was the voice of reason. I finally wrote out why I big-red-puffy-heart-love WordPress.

February

The beginning of February had me preparing to go to BlissDom ’09. When I got back, I had way too much to say. Good news? I’m going back to BlissDom ’10 in a few weeks I did my usual tribute to Valentine’s Day (which I hate by the way). I still feel like I’m way cooler online than in person. The most wonderful transition of all occurred — PC to Mac.

March

I still see hurting people. The State of Doodle address is pretty much the same.

April

The Invis-a-shield is still always up. The tears fell and Duck left a longer comment than my post.

May

Robin made me do it — or at least she really encouraged me to sponsor a child. Those types of conversations started in the car on the way to Chick-fil-a. Played some ball.

June

Another Mother of the Year moment. I went into a funk I’m not sure I ever came out of I celebrated Doodle’s 10th birthday and 13 years of salvation.

July

First day of fifth grade. My conference going advice. More conference going advice. Totally embarrassed myself with a real, helmet-hair, no make-up picture during a Blog Hop party.

August

She Speaks brain dump that links to all the other brain dump posts. Wondering just how I can get back to exuding peace again. I shared what I’m missing in conferences and lo and behold, someone comes up with a Christian Women Blogging Conference this year (glad someone was listening — and hoping I can go to that one too!).

September

A mild crisis was adverted when I had to get my own Cokes. Remembered 9-11. Catching up and going horseback riding.

October

Celebrated 13 years of marriage to My Genius Better Half. The joys of giving anonymously. Arguing with God … again.

November

I asked if you can do ministry online. God’s sense of humor. I asked questions about Women of Faith.

December

My parents celebrate 41 years of marriage. I keep beating myself up over mistakes. Took a break from online things to do life offline.

This has been a blessing for me even if it’s not for you. I went back and remembered, cried, laughed and also thought — who in the world wrote this? Oh yeah, me! I remember I like to write. I need to get back to writing on here. Why I need constant reminders of what God’s taught me, I’ll never understand. Sometimes I look at the Israelites in the Old Testament who walked in circles for 40 years and scream “why don’t you remember?” Then I realize I don’t remember either. I’m so thankful God’s forgiveness and grace are new every day — because I need it!

| Filed Under: Admin, Bloggin', Personal

Stop beating yourself up

By Lisa B on December 2, 2009

Last week a Twitter buddy sent through a message: “Hates the feeling that I’ve let someone down…”

My response? “Girl, we all let people down at one time or another. Pick yourself up and dust off. Ask for forgiveness & forgive yourself.”

Easier said than done and I’m Queen of Denial. Little did I know that by the end of the week, I really needed to hear that same message for myself.

I haven’t been staying on top of our finances like I should — and I had a bunch of stuff (ie everything) setup to automatically draft from our checking account. Duck hates that. He says it hurts more if you have to write a check, and well, you stay on top of it. I will not say he was right. So let’s just continue about me.

Morals of the story, something auto paid that I forgot was coming out — I bounced some things — incurred some outrageous bank fees — and have since turned off automatic payments for everything. Oh, and I’m going to be turning the finances over to Duck ASAP He’s been great and very understanding. He held me while I was crying and told me we’ll figure things out together. We’ll work through this. But, even after I had calmed down that time, I’d trail off in thoughts about the whole money thing. I’d start beating myself up mentally for not staying on top of things and trying to plot ways to make a fast million.

Do you beat yourself up over mistakes made? I can’t stop sometimes. Poor Duck. He handles me well when I get into these funky moods. I feel like I let Duck down. I’ve let myself down. Picking myself up and dusting off works until I take a step and fall back down again. Asking for forgiveness is hard, but gotten. I know God has forgiven and forgotten many, many sins and mistakes. Forgiving myself is next to impossible sometimes.

Yesterday Doodle comes home from school. I yelled got frustrated about her giving away all the food in her lunch. I thought she was at least eating some of it. I told her I wasn’t taking her to get Chick-fil-a right after school and she could just starve to death (ok, I’m not going to let her starve to death, but she was being real drama-queenish at this point). Then looking at her homework, she’d forgotten a book at school. Something we’ve gotten on her for doing many times and actually it’s been awhile since she forgot anything at school. Oh, and she forgot her lunchbox which was “probably in lost and found.”

She went back to her room and slammed the door. I figured she was just mad about the “starve to death” comment. I made her a PB&J and took it back to her room. She was under her covers bawling. I apologized for yelling getting frustrated with her, and told her it was ok, to calm down. She went on about how stupid she is and how she’s always forgetting things and she’s never going to do anything right. I later found out that she had been in an argument with some of her friends and she just really wasn’t having a good day at all.

She’s just like me. I have no clue how to deal with it either. I know the thoughts that are going through her head. I know it’s hard to stop them. Someone else telling you to “pick yourself up” or “stop beating yourself up” or “forgive yourself” doesn’t really help because there’s no how to do those things. Duck shared some good words with her though — we love her — everyone makes mistakes — you’ve just got to learn from them and move on. Mostly I think they were for me too because at this point I was beating myself up for being a horrible mom and losing my cool.

Stop beating yourself up.

Think I’m going to have that tattooed on my forehead backwards so I can read it in the mirror every morning.

| Filed Under: Family, Personal

Happy Anniversary!

By Lisa B on December 1, 2009

To Mom and Dad (not you Duck! You’re off the hook!).

Mom and Dad have been married 41 years today. They have been through a lot especially with raising 5 of us kids. I thank God that He gave me the parents He did and that they are still in sappy love after all this time Gives me hope!

| Filed Under: Personal

God’s got a great sense of humor

By Lisa B on November 9, 2009

Who knew? Really? I always thought God was this serious, angry man. He must love to laugh, or at least chuckle, because He totally blew my mind this weekend at Women of Faith!

As you may have read in my Arguing with God never works post, even before the weekend He was rocking my world — getting me out of my comfort zone. Once I got my friend Tonya in the car, I figured it was all down hill from there. Then the thought crossed my mind and out my lips — God’s got a purpose for Tonya to be at Women of Faith. He must have a purpose for me this weekend too.

Now, I say that Tonya is my friend, really now she is — before the weekend I didn’t know much if anything about her. I sat in her Sunday School class and knew her name. I knew she had 4 boys (though I didn’t know all their names), and I knew her husband wasn’t with her in Sunday School. That was pretty much all I knew about Tonya — oh, and except that God impressed on my heart that she needed a break, to be refueled, and that she was busy helping everybody else around her.

During the weekend she and I had some great conversations. I continually had to laugh at (with?) God because He had put the two of us together in this situation. There are things that we are totally opposite about. She’s beach. I’m mountains. She cooks. I’m Queen of the Drive-Thru. She thinks computers are of the devil. I’m on the computer way too much. But no matter what our differences are, we both love Jesus and want to know what’s God’s will.

We had an amazing time. We cried. We laughed. We talked. We slept (a little). I pray that God used me to speak to her and encourage her in her struggles. She encouraged me to share my stories with others. She encouraged me that I can organize at least 50 people to come to Women of Faith next year. Yep, you heard that right.

They kept announcing that if you committed to bringing 50 peeps to Women of Faith next year they’d fly you to Dallas in January for a preview and training — an all-expense paid trip. No airfare. No money for hotel or food. At first Tonya would just lean over and say “you could do that.” Then it turned to “you should go to that meeting.” She wouldn’t let up. So when I thought the last meeting had occurred, I told her if she found out where I should get more information from, I’d think about it.

She found the table. We talked to the guy behind the table. I was wavering. We struggle financially. How could I commit to these tickets? If I don’t sell all of them, I’d be responsible for paying for them? But Tonya said they had gotten a group of about 25 women just from our church (which shocked me because it’s a kinda small church — but she said they brought friends). I joked and told her if it was online, I could do it But my peeps are all over!

Finally when I started thinking about all the people I know in other churches, I caved in. I thought surely I can get enough of my friends in other places to get other friends, and I’ll be able to do this. What a story I’ll have to tell people from going to the pre-conference last year by myself, to asking Patsy for tickets this year to bringing a group of 50 next year. Not to mention I had already run into 2 friends who I didn’t know where going to be at the conference.

I signed up.

I folded the copy he gave me and stuck it in my back pocket. A knot formed in my stomach. I didn’t want to look at what else he had written. As we walked back to our seats, I looked up and said, “God you know the 50 women you want to be here next year in my group — just please don’t take too long letting me know them.”

We sat down in our seats, and I started thinking about telling Duck what I’d done. I thought he’d tell me I’m crazy, so I pulled the piece of paper out of my back pocket. I looked at the total of the tickets — the amount I’d have to pay if I didn’t sell one of them. I almost puked. Tonya looked over at me and said, “calm down. It’ll be ok. I’ll take one and I know others that will too. I’ll pray for you.” When I got home Saturday night, I told Duck that I had signed up to sell these tickets. His response? “Good luck with that.” Which made me laugh. out. loud.

When I woke up Sunday morning, God hit me with another idea, and the worry about selling all these tickets hasn’t overwhelmed me since. I’ve realized there are even more ladies I know that I can talk to and challenge them to bring a friend. Now I can’t help but wonder how many over 50 God’s going to send my way. He’s funny that way too. I can just see Him sitting in heaven laughing at my lack of faith and my worries.

Just planting the seed right now … you know you want to go to Women of Faith next year

Here are some pictures

Steven Curtis Chapman — you know I cried when he was talking about Maria. It was absolutely awesome to see him perform. Oh, and it didn’t hurt that we were on the second row right in front of him

Beth_LisaWomenOfFaith2009

It totally blew Tonya’s mind that I had known Beth @ Sports Momma online for probably about 2 years and never met her in person — until Women of Faith I fell in love with Beth’s original blog design where the header had a softball and said “I throw like a girl.” Cracked me up! Beth and I chat a lot on Twitter and I was so glad I finally got to meet her!