Personal

Complete Failure

By Lisa B on January 16, 2012

Have you ever felt like a complete failure? No? What’s your secret?

With all good intentions (story of my life), I tried as best I as I could to unplug between Christmas and New Year’s. I had to take care of a few little things for clients, but those I had planned on. For the most part, I didn’t accomplish anything else I had thought I might get to do — writing blog posts for here…writing blog posts for DIY Ministry…writing ebooks…and that was just Day 1

I knew I would be busy as soon as I said I was coming back. The client work was already piling up. Starting off the year behind. That was no different. And then to top it off I’ve been sick the past week. You would be proud of me though — I did take 2 full days “off work” to sleep and try to kick this virus’ booty.

Sharing all of this to say, I still don’t have my stuff together. I know deep in my heart that to fight the slow fade, I need to be spending more time with God. I need to read at least one scripture a day … and not the kind of read that just glosses over it like I’ve already read that one a million times. I do want to share scripture here but realistically I know I will not be able to do one a day like I had hoped. So I’m going to share one of my favorite scriptures with you and ask that you share one with me in the comments. Then if 6 of you leave scriptures in the comments, I’ll have one to read every day this week

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” — Matthew 6:33

Really I just need to concentrate on the first part “seek first the kingdom of God.”

| Filed Under: Personal, Scripture

Fighting the slow fade

By Lisa B on December 2, 2011

If my life had a theme song, Slow Fade from Casting Crowns would be it. Here’s the video if you aren’t already familiar with the song:

Before I continue, let me make something clear. The video depicts a husband having an affair and leaving his family. That is not why it would be my theme song. Duck and I are very happily married (15 years now). Showing how an affair can break up a family is just one illustration of the song they could have given. So let me explain why it would be my theme song.

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It’s a slow fade, it’s a slow fade

For me, the slow fade happened after I accepted Jesus in my heart. I invited Him in to be a part of my life, every minute of every day. Then little by little (the slow fade), I started taking back a minute here or there. Thinking about what I wanted to do instead of what God would want me to do. Then little by little, I got mad with God over some things that happened and started taking back more minutes from Him.

Until one day shortly after I turned 30, I was in a bad place. The farthest from God I had ever been except when I lived without Jesus. I knew I had Jesus and no man could ever take that away, but I had spent so long believing little white lies that I was ready to leave this world and be with Jesus.

The journey to that place did not happen in one minute. One day. Or even one week. It was a slow fade. A choice made to sleep in late and not read my Bible. A choice to not go to church that Sunday and stay home to do laundry. A choice to think about how I could solve my own problems instead of talking with God about them. A choice to think God was punishing me for something I had done wrong.

That was 8 years ago. I started doing some things that helped me fight the slow fade and get back to the point where I was close to God again. I wish I could say that I’ve stayed there … close to God … but I haven’t. I have felt myself fading back and it’s extremely frustrating. I know what I need to do, yet I just don’t do it.

I decided to turn this blog into a place where I share with you some of my struggles and how I am fighting the slow fade. One of the biggest lies that the devil can feed us is that we are alone in what we’re thinking, what we’re feeling, and what we’re going through. The truth is we are never alone. I don’t want you to feel alone so if you can relate to my struggles, then we can pray for each other and help each other fight the slow fade.

One of the most important tools for fighting the slow fade is scripture.

For the word of God [is] living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. — Hebrews 4:12 (NKLV)

I have gotten away from reading my Bible. Starting January 1st, I will be posting a scripture here. I may comment on it. I may not. I don’t think my words are all that important, but I may want to share something about the scripture. So, if you would rather not have another email to deal with, please unsubscribe. You will not hurt my feelings — really. I don’t pay attention to the numbers anyway.

Now tell me something about you. Can you relate to the slow fade? What is one small thing you could do today to refocus on Jesus?

| Filed Under: Personal

Five Minute Friday on Sunday

By Lisa B on April 24, 2011

I have been struggling lately. I’ve been immersed in doing work and not so much worried about dreams or writing. I was recently catching up on some of my friends’ blog posts when I came across a few of them participating in Five Minute Fridays with Lisa-Jo. She gives a writing prompt and you are supposed to just right for 5 minutes. Well, I decided to join in though a few days late.

Check out what others have written and follow Lisa-Jo to see what her next prompt might be.

On Distance

The distance between me and God seems to grow daily. I know He has not moved, but I have. I know what it’s like to have that distance seem much shorter which is frustrating to say the least. The distance between my head and my heart at times seems miles away. Why can’t I do what I know I need to do?

At times the distance between me and my friends-in-a-box seems really short. We chat every day … then every other day. For a few months though the distance has seemed huge. They might as well be on the other side of the world.

Then I think of my friend, Especially Heather. Losing her baby girl, Emma on Friday and distance seems unbearable. I want desperately to be near her … to give her a hug … to pray with her … to *do* something to help. But I know even if distance were not an issue, there’s nothing I can do to help. There is a huge hole in their lives now that only God can fill.

Are my friends-in-a-box really friends? Is it safe to even call them that? At times, yes, I’ve had very close friends who have physically been distant from me. Yet now I feel sort of alone. I don’t have any friends I really connect with. I get caught up in code and work so much so that my dreams even seem distant to the point of non-existance.

STOP

| Filed Under: Personal, Writing

I miss writing

By Lisa B on February 28, 2011

Here and in my journal.

I miss thinking in complete sentences and paragraphs.

I miss not thinking in lists and code:

paint the bedroom
clean house
go through junk
do work
<?php get_Doodle_school() ?>

I miss reading other blogs.

I miss tweeting with my friends.

Some craziness has ended. I’m sure other craziness is getting ready to start. Meanwhile, I am going to make time to get back into writing — here and in my journal when I find it. We’ve been moving stuff from one room to another.

I miss realizing I just need to be simply His.

So how are you?

| Filed Under: Personal

Made to Crave

By Lisa B on January 10, 2011

Today is a big day. Actually a huge day. Today is the day Lysa TerKeurst will do her first webcast on her new book Made to Crave. If you haven’t heard about it yet (where have you been hiding?), check out the Made to Crave website and just view that web page tonight at 8 pm EST to see Lysa live!

I have been working on a lot of things for this webcast and the site. I know the devil wants to interfere with it all because of the message and how good it will be for people. Please pray for the webcast, the people involved in putting it on, and that the devil would be out of the technology.

And if you would, say a little prayer for me. I’m supposed to be flying out today for a meeting tomorrow but the big eastern snow storm is headed this way. I’m praying that either I make it out ok or the flight or meeting is canceled — just so I’m not stuck trying to work on the webcast stuff from an airport. That’s no fun!

I hope and pray you all have a blessed day and if you are in this big snow storm, that you stay safe and warm!

| Filed Under: Personal

Giving Thanks

By Lisa B on November 24, 2010

When this week started out, I thought of all the normal things I’m very thankful for …

… my home, no matter how dirty, keeps me warm and dry

… food, that I’m not going hungry

… freedom, the freedom we have in America is something some take for granted

But today I’m thinking about what I’m really thankful for the most … and that’s life.

I’m thankful for …

… the life behind every one of the Twitter avatars that come up in my stream. Some of you I have never even met in person, but each of you have touched me in one way or another.

… the life behind every one of the Facebook pictures that I’m friends with. Most of you I’ve met and yet, you still want to be my friend.

… the life of my closest Skype buddies who I’ve yet to meet. Y’all are a great support to me when I feel like pulling my hair out.

… the life of all my Proverbs 31 Ministries sisters. I’ve just recently become really involved with this ministry and every one of you have welcomed me into the fold with open arms and most importantly prayers.

… the life of every one in my family. From parents, in-laws, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, great-neice, great-nephew, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents — even the ones who have passed from this world. They’ve all had an impact on who I am right now.

… the life of Duck and Doodle. Duck is my best friend, my provider, my caretaker. Doodle is my best daughter who’s growing up too quick. She’s beautiful, smart and artistic.

… the life God saw fit in talking me out of taking 7.5 years ago. If it weren’t for His love, there are many of you I would not know today.

most importantly, I’m thankful for …

… the life of Jesus and that He would give up His life for me is sometimes unbelievable. I am so unworthy. I went to Women of Faith a few weeks ago with my best friend from college and her mom. It was a great weekend of reflection and catching up on 16 years worth of life. Looking back at how I was when she and I hung out, all I could think was I’m a totally different person now. Jesus is that difference and I’m eternally grateful for that.

I wish you a very happy Thanksgiving. May you remember everything that you have to be truly thankful for in this life. Please feel free to share what you’re thankful for in my comments area. I love y’all.

| Filed Under: Blessings, Family, Holidays, Personal

To God’s Perfect Gift to Me – Happy 14!

By Lisa B on October 12, 2010

I sat here wondering what to write. I went back and read what I wrote on our 12th anniversary and our 13th anniversary. I was really sappy on the 13th anniversary, but I still feel that way about you Duck. I love you with all my heart and soul. I’m amazed at the blessings God gives us just in our relationship and growing us closer and closer. I miss you when you go to work and I dream of the day when we can sit all day in rockers on our front porch overlooking the mountains.

I know you feel like you need to buy me something, but honestly the vacation we just took was all I needed for our anniversary. It was awesome to get away and relax — even getting to relax Sunday watching football all day even if you did beat me in Fantasy Football!

I love you very much and I hope you have a wonderful day I look forward to listening to you sing tonight at the church revival service.

—————–

To everyone else – I highly recommend unplugging, especially if you are an addict like me. The mountains did me a world of good. I feel like I’ve been restarted! I didn’t take many pictures – at least not as many as I had planned. I’ve got scooped back up in work though and haven’t downloaded them off the camera yet.

Thanks to everyone who threw up a prayer for us, asked about our vacation and covered for us while we were gone. I hope to post more about our trip later this week, but who knows. The unplugging thing might just happen at night when it should be family time.

Anyway, we’re baaaccckkkk! And I’m plugged in again – for a little bit anyway