Yep, she had to hit me with more questions on my birthday too. {Thanks by the way for all the well wishes! It’s been a good day so far!}

We were leaving Chick-fil-a on our way to tutoring, when she said, “you mean to tell me that a teenage girl can get pregnant if they do all that sex stuff?”

I’ll spare you the gory details this time of what I told her, but I began to explain that wonderful time of the month — and a little bit about why that happens. I told her that girls generally start having monthly stuff between the ages of 10-12. She asked me if it was because they were dating … if that made them start. Um, no. Your body decides when it starts and every body is different.

She has been to the bathroom with me during that time of the month before and asked a few questions. When I explained a little more today she asked, “you mean you could still get pregnant?”

“Yes,” I replied “except I’m taking a little pill so I won’t unexpectantly get pregnant.”

She continued on asking me how old do girls typically start dating. I laughed and said, “well, your Dad says you have to be 30 before you can start dating.”

Without missing a beat she replied, “when I’m that old, I’ll definitely be on the pill.” Oh my.

Looks like time to order some of those books (thanks for the recommendations too!). It’s almost time for me to go and try to play ball tonight. It’s the first game of the tournament and we play the first place team. I hope it’ll be a good game no matter who wins. No one really enjoys a blow-out … well, except I guess for the team doing the blowing

Warning: This post may contain some language not suitable for young eyes or old hearts. Please don’t judge me. Had I thought ahead, I would have asked advice before I got sucked into this conversation. I had done pretty good {until now} avoiding answering many of these questions.

Me: Where did all these people come from and why are they in front of me turning left?

Doodle: God made them.

Me: Well, He didn’t have to put them all right here in front of me.

Doodle: He didn’t put them all here. He put them in the hospital.

Me: You know not all babies are born in the hospital.

Doodle: Oh I know! On Airbender, Katara helped deliver a baby and {some other character} made a hut and {miscellaneous details about the cartoon that I forget} but he probably would have fainted if he’d seen Katara cutting her stomach open and moving around the intestines to pull the baby out.

{Side note: whenever we’ve talked about when Doodle was born, we’ve told her that the doctor had to cut my stomach open and get her out. As the story progressed and Duck shared that he was a little faint feeling when he saw the insides of me that he never should have seen … I had to explain to Doodle that those were my intestines most likely moved out of the way so the doctor could get to her.}

Me: Not all babies are born like that.

Doodle: So does God just make them and put them in the stomachs?

Me: Um, no. It takes a man and a woman to make a baby.

Doodle: So what? The man and woman just make a baby and then she eats it?

Me: Um, no. A woman has a part in her body called a uterus and that’s actually where the baby grows — not in the stomach.

{Doodle’s looking at me with a surprised look.}

Me: Well, it’s close to the stomach. So it’s just easier to say stomach a lot of times.

Doodle: So it looks like you’ve eaten a ton of popcorn?

Me: Yeah, something like that.

Doodle: How are they born?

Me: Um, well, you actually have two holes down there. You know, where your pee comes out? Well, there’s another hole and that’s how most of them come out. Technically the other hole is called a v8g1n8 (8’s for a’s and 1 for i’s – trying to cut down on nasty auto comments).

Doodle: How’s the baby get up there?

Me: Um {notice a pattern here?}, well, inside the uterus there are eggs.

Doodle {jaw dropped, eyes wide}: I didn’t know women laid eggs.

Me: Um, well, it’s not like a woman is going to lay eggs in a nest like a chicken.

Doodle: or a bird. So what’s the man got to do with it?

Me: Um, well, he’s got what are technically called sp3rm. That has little tails and they swim to the egg and fertilize it. Then the egg/baby starts growing in the uterus.

Doodle: What about the cord? Isn’t that how the baby gets fed?

Me: Yes, the cord develops and kind of hooks into the uterus to get food from the mommy and pass it along to the baby.

Doodle: How does the sp3rm get to the egg?

Me: Um, well, God gave a husband and a wife the gift of sex. That’s so they can have a family. Have you heard that word before?

Doodle: Yeah, on George Lopez. They said they found out their 16-year-old daughter was having sex.

Me {my turned to be totally shocked and looking up how to block that show from ever being on our tvs again}: Um, well, you know that thing that boys have that you call a “peter.”

Doodle: or a weiner?

Me: Yeah, that. Um, well, that’s technically called a p3n1s. A man puts his p3n1s with the woman’s v8g1n8 and that’s what sex is.

Doodle: Yuck! You mean they put them together? I’m in no hurry to grow up!

Me: That’s great!

*** Hours later ***

Doodle: I can’t believe I used to be an egg! Why do parents wait so long to tell kids how they were made?

Me: Because it’s kind of a sensitive subject — one that we just don’t talk about until you’re old enough to understand it.

————–

I so totally can’t even believe I wrote this out. Duck said I should blog about it because one day Doodle would appreciate reading it. I’m not so sure. I think she’ll be totally embarrassed, but it’s here. At least I’ll remember. Or at least I’ll remember as much as I remember when I wrote this out — it’s not exactly the way the conversation went but you get the jist. I’ve been really good at avoiding her questions until today. I know she’ll have more and I pray God gives me the wisdom to teach her well.

I honestly don’t remember when or where I learned. See, they say around these parts that the boys and girls were separated in 5th grade. I was in 5th grade in West Virginia, and we were considerably behind academically. I’m sure this probably includes this education as well. We moved here when I was in 6th grade and I don’t remember education until Health class in 9th grade.

Knowing that this is coming up in the next year (Doodle’s finishing up 4th grade right now), I did want to have the conversation with her — I just didn’t have a clue how to have it. In the car on the way to Chick-fil-a is so NOT how I thought it would happen though. If any of you have any tips or resources on a Godly way to share this message with kids, I’d greatly appreciate the references.

God knows I’m scared to death I’ve already scarred her for life as it is. I don’t want to mess her up worse!

Doodle hits me with the strangest comments sometimes. We were in the car taking the dogs to the softball field to let them run.

“I realized the other day in PE class that I need to lose weight,” she informed me.

“What makes you say that?” I asked.

“Well, I couldn’t jump rope very long without breathing heavy,” she explained.

“No dear, that’s an endurance issue — not a weight issue,” I told her.

I went on to explain to her that although she’s as skinny as a rail, that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s in shape. She’s just like I was when I was younger. I feel the need to add here like that old shampoo commercial, “don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” Instead, I’d be saying, “don’t hate me because I’m skinny.”

I was always bony-skinny. I don’t think I broke 100 pounds until I was in high school. I could eat whatever I wanted, which wasn’t much (I’ve always been a picky eater). I never ate a whole lot, but I did eat, and no I didn’t throw it back up. I swear people watched me around food looking for signs of sickness, but honestly people, God just blessed me with a high metabolism. At least until I turned 30

Doodle doesn’t eat well — she’s picky like me — but her thing is playing video games. We know we need to start making her get out and run or play or do *something* to get some exercise everyday. Lazy parenting has been winning out for me. It’s a lot easier for me to just give in and let her play her games and be entertained.

But, that’s changing. And Doodle’s in for a shock. What do you do to keep your kids active if they would prefer to play video games?

Can you tell I’m super excited? Now, let me tell you what I did …

I walked all the stairs at the Duke Football Stadium (what? Duke has a football team?). It’s a large stadium in a horseshoe shape and has those stairs that are close together. There’s a track going around the football field, and then a practice field over in the trees to the right. Of course, none of that matters — because I did the stairs! I did the stairs! I did the stairs!

See, this is huge for me. Going down one set, walking across, then coming back up the next set — well, that’s hard work. My trainer, Lamont says it’s a gut check. So when he told me he was taking a group this morning, I figured I’d try and go again. This is the third time I’ve tried to go — the first time we couldn’t use the stadium because of a track meet; the second time I overslept.

I think I’m allergic to Thursdays too. Every Thursday before I was supposed to go — including yesterday — my allergies act up and I feel like poo. Then I don’t sleep very well. But I did it! I did it! I did it! Sorry I’m just excited

Several years ago Duck and I worked at Duke and would go to the stadium — he to run, me to walk. I tried walking those stairs before, but always gave up after maybe 4 sets (that’s 2 down, 2 up). Wuss. All my working out has been paying off Did I mention I did it?

My buddy Lisa 1 asked the other day on my post what my workout is like. Lamont says that muscle confusion is the best kind of training. If you go to the gym and lift the same weights the same way, your muscles get used to it and don’t grow. If you do different exercises that target the same muscles, your muscles grow. Now for me being an athlete, I needed to train my muscles to react quickly then rest. So lifting a lighter weight, quicker and less of a break in between sets, helps me to train my muscles to react quickly.

It’ll help me in softball tremendously. I’ve already seen the benefits and we haven’t even started the fall season yet (Monday’s the day!). When a ball is hit, I have to move my body quickly, get the ball in and then rest. It’s like running sprints with very short breaks in between. Lamont says it’s like going from 0-60 in 2.3 seconds. So that’s what I’ve been training my body to do the past 5 months.

The absolute hardest thing Lamont has had me do in the gym involves the treadmill. Now, I never knew those suckers would run turned off. He sets it at a level 15 which means I’m running uphill and powers it off. So I make the belt move as fast as I can for 20 seconds then rest 10 seconds. I can only do this for about 5 minutes (10 reps). Usually I’m falling all over the bar, holding myself up and trying to just keep my legs moving. Let me just share that the stadium stairs are 10x worse than doing the treadmill It’s like doing the treadmill for 30 minutes which would be like 60 reps.

Lamont told me when I started the goal for me was 28 minutes, but he was excited to see me finish the whole stadium and not give up. I did the whole stadium in 33 minutes, so I have a good goal now. Being that this is the first time I’ve done it, I think that’s awesome. Did I mention that I did it? I’m just so stinkin’ excited that I completed the stadium, I don’t think I would’ve cared if it had taken me an hour to do

Imagine me doing a happy dance with my arms — because my legs are noodles right now I told the others I was never so happy to live in a 1-story house as I was at that moment. I could really do without seeing any more stairs — at least for the weekend!

I assume God knew what He was doing when He gave me a girl. Honestly I thought I wanted a boy, because I’m not good at all that girlie stuff. But I know I would not do well with broken bones, scrapes and bruises. Well, I probably could do ok with minor scrapes — just not gushing blood!

But the one thing I hate is ticks. I hated when I’d get them as a kid, and I totally freaked out the first time Doodle got one on her head. I remember it like it was today …

Duck was out of town all week for work. Doodle was 5 years old in Kindergarten. I found the tick on her head and freaked out. I don’t recommend freaking out because that translates to the child freaking out. Luckily I had a friend from church who was a nurse. I’m sure she was laughing hysterically at my phone call begging and pleading for help.

So while Doodle and I were both freaking out, I managed to get us into the car and to my friend’s house. She calmed both of us down and removed the tick from Doodle’s head. I wish I could say crisis diverted, but I’m pretty sure all the fussing she and I did before we got to my friend’s house would be considered a crisis!

I mention this because Doodle’s come home from school with a tick on her about 4 times now. Luckily though, Duck’s been home to remove them. Today, however, I get a call from the school. Doodle was in the office with a tick on her back and the school is not allowed to remove ticks. What? Anyway, I braved my fears and pulled the body off — then I think I pulled the head off — and something was still stuck, although it wasn’t the head. I know I got that part. I’m definitely not the smoothest in tick removal, but I tried — which is more than I could do 3 years ago

Just be warned. Keep an eye out for those little suckers. And keep the tick you pull off for a couple of days in case a doctor may need to see it. Oh, and another tip. One of the ladies in the office said she read on the Internet (and therefore doesn’t know if it’s true or not) that you can take dish washing detergent, put it on a cotton ball and place it over the tick. The tick then turns and bites the cotton ball. I don’t know if that will work or not, but I’m all for giving it a shot. Because I know Doodle’s gonna have more ticks this year!

Do you have any tips for removing ticks?