Now, it’s 4 days away and I’ve gone through every kind of emotion you can think of — paranoid, excited, scared, doubtful, nervous, ready to back out. What was I thinking? Was I even thinking? Did I hear God right?

On Saturday, May 8th, the men of our church are going to be serving the ladies a dinner. They were looking for some ladies in our church to speak. I … gulp … volunteered.

I’ve had a message on my heart to share for a few years. I didn’t know how God was going to lead me to share it or when He was going to lead me to share it — and right now I’m thinking I would’ve been happy if He’d waited a few more years before He prompted me to do this.

4 months ago I had visions of quiet Bible study time every day … journaling … praying … spending just every waking moment with God and soaking up His words to share for Saturday. Now, 4 days away I’m feeling like an utter failure for not having done much of any of that.

I would like to ask you to pray for me. Pray for me to prepare my message as best as I can between now and then … and pray for God to take over when I get there. Pray for the ladies who are there, especially if there’s one who hasn’t accepted Jesus as their Savior yet. Because that’s what all this is for — reaching that one lady.

If you’re local to me, you are more than welcome to come to the dinner. Let me know you’re coming so I can add to our list. There’s no cost. Childcare’s provided. Free food and you get to come listen to me ramble. Oh, and Duck’s group is providing the music so you get to listen to him sing too! Can’t beat that

One of the men at my church asked Duck if his group would play music at this dinner. He wants the men to cook and serve the ladies dinner. He wants this to be an outreach — evangelical — for ladies to invite unsaved friends. Duck told him that I have a heart for women’s ministry and that I might have some ideas for a speaker or two.

Side note: Can I just say it was kinda weird hearing from this man that Duck said I have a heart for women’s ministry? Why? You may ask? Well, it’s not something that I’ve ever really talked about with Duck. I mean it’s stuff I’ve spouted here. Maybe he’s heard me talking with someone else. But it’s not something that he and I have ever discussed. It was kind of validating in a sense that yes, I do have a heart for women’s ministry and should use my talents and gifts in that.

Back to needing ideas: Basically I need ideas from you. I know ya’ll are a crafty, creative bunch. And even if you yourself don’t have any ideas, maybe you can share a website or two where you get ideas from? I’m looking for anything from a theme to decorations ideas to gift ideas. You know — any of those little things that women typically enjoy. Have you been to anything like this? What did you enjoy? What was not so great?

If you don’t mind, I’d appreciate a lot of prayer for this also. I feel led to speak … as in get up in front of a group of ladies and share a story … and that makes my stomach do flops. Seriously? There’s no delete button in speaking. There’s no rereading and editing in speaking. One shot. Can I be interesting? Will I say the right words? I’ve been praying for awhile that God would take this desire away from me, but He really doesn’t like it when I argue with Him. He keeps giving me visions of standing on stage and parts of the message to give. So, prayer. Lots of prayer please. Thanks! I appreciate it! Let me know if there’s something I can pray about for you as well!

This weekend I had the privilege of being a small part of a fundraiser for a little girl in our church. I grinned ear to ear every time I saw her bright, smiling face at the dinner! Praise God we raised enough to cover her surgery (almost $20,000)!!! I’ll let that sink in

In Sunday School class, one of the ladies shared a story about a man who had seen the banners and felt compelled to stop by the church and give money. She showed him the way to the table and when he was asked, he’d only give his first name. He said he didn’t want anyone to know his name. Now this isn’t all that anonymous, because they know what he looks like, but how cool is God that He laid it on this guy’s heart to give? And that he doesn’t care if he “gets credit” for it?

Well, I had the opportunity to give anonymously yesterday. It felt soooo good! There’s a lady in our church who is struggling with many things. She’s been busy helping with the fundraiser and other things — all thinking about and serving others — meanwhile she is the type that will refuse help for herself. So knowing this, I had a gift to give her, but I knew she would refuse to take it from me if I tried to give it to her. I left it in her car. Unsigned. I felt so sneaky I grinned ear from ear thinking about her finding it in there and wondering who left it — but (most importantly) not being able to give it back!! {and if you happen to go to my church, and happen to know who I’m talking about — shhhhh! Don’t tell!}

I don’t share this to say “oh look at me — I did this great and wondrous thing!” Quite the opposite! It wasn’t a wondrous thing — it was a small gesture. The main reason I am sharing here is to challenge you to do something this week for someone and be sneaky about it — don’t let them know it’s you who did it! It’s an amazingly good feeling. Trust me. You’ve got to try it!

Ok, I’m off to get some work done today. I hope to be back here blogging a little more regularly than every couple of weeks! I’ve got an awesome idea (inspired by God, confirmed by a few God friends) for this blog. There’s lots of stuff I’ve got inside me that I want to share with you. I think along the way, I’ve been distracted from my purpose for this blog. I’m getting back on track — not to say I might not go off track again, but I’m working my way back to the track Oh, if you do give anonymously, let me know in the comments — you don’t have to give details, just let me know you did something and how you felt I know God will bless you!!

If I had blogged on a reliable basis (ha, like I do now – not) 6 years ago, I might have blogged all that went on with this situation. That would not necessarily have been a good thing.

To give you the basics:

• Duck and I were saved in this church
• We served in this church
• We taught Sunday School and Children’s Church
• We dedicated Doodle in this church
• We had really good friends in this church

But then, through a series of unfortunate events, I knew I could no longer place myself under the authority figure there. The series of unfortunate events consisted of many arguments, struggles and tears. I was constantly praying asking God if I were right or the other person — not that it truly mattered, but if I was wrong, I wanted God to correct me — I truly wanted to know His will.

God revealed to me that I was understanding scripture correctly, but he also revealed that it was not me who was going to help the other person see the truth. That was a hard pill to swallow. I was calm about it all. Forgiving. Peaceful. That was all from God. We left that church and went on a search to find another where we felt God wanted us to serve.

I thought I was over it all. I’ve even seen the other person occasionally and we’re cordial. Then last week I hooked up with some of our old friends from that church on Facebook. I started looking at various pictures — pictures of kids we taught in Sunday School that are now juniors and seniors in high school. They look so different that some of them I wouldn’t recognize if they walked up to me.

The pain came rushing back. My heart was broken. I was angry again. Angry at the other person. Angry at God. Why did we have to leave the church? Why did we have to miss out on so much of their lives?

Last week was VBS week at the church we’ve been visiting now. I didn’t feel like it, but I went to the adult class. I was sad when I went there to see all the people who have these close relationships (well, most of them are family). I have been missing that sorely and I know it’s going to take a lot of time to develop new relationships with these people. But you know what? I’m working on it. I got to know a few people a little better through VBS, and I hope they got to know a little more about me without thinking I’m totally nuts.

Even though the old wounds were opened up, I still know that God’s will for us was for us to leave that church. I’ve got to believe there’s a reason God brought us to this church to develop new relationships here. I hope and pray that this is where we can stay for awhile. Because picking up and moving your family around to different churches or falling into the routine of not going at all — well, that all sucks. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but God does. And He may not heal them completely, but He uses everything for His purpose.

Bloggy break

So I know I said I was going on a bloggy break, and I did really well last week — working on piles on my desk and even cleaning the den (or at least cleaning stuff and moving it so Duck could clean the carpet). I got a little sidetracked with the whole Facebook and lamenting on lost relationships, but I hope to get back on track this week with cleaning, purging and organizing. I pray that God gives you a wink this week. Something special, encouraging and uplifting. If you’re feeling in a funk like I have, then get off your computer and do just one thing. Pick one thing that you’ve been putting off for awhile. You might just find that it doesn’t take near as long as you’d feared