Fighting the slow fade

If my life had a theme song, Slow Fade from Casting Crowns would be it. Here’s the video if you aren’t already familiar with the song:

Before I continue, let me make something clear. The video depicts a husband having an affair and leaving his family. That is not why it would be my theme song. Duck and I are very happily married (15 years now). Showing how an affair can break up a family is just one illustration of the song they could have given. So let me explain why it would be my theme song.

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It’s a slow fade, it’s a slow fade

For me, the slow fade happened after I accepted Jesus in my heart. I invited Him in to be a part of my life, every minute of every day. Then little by little (the slow fade), I started taking back a minute here or there. Thinking about what I wanted to do instead of what God would want me to do. Then little by little, I got mad with God over some things that happened and started taking back more minutes from Him.

Until one day shortly after I turned 30, I was in a bad place. The farthest from God I had ever been except when I lived without Jesus. I knew I had Jesus and no man could ever take that away, but I had spent so long believing little white lies that I was ready to leave this world and be with Jesus.

The journey to that place did not happen in one minute. One day. Or even one week. It was a slow fade. A choice made to sleep in late and not read my Bible. A choice to not go to church that Sunday and stay home to do laundry. A choice to think about how I could solve my own problems instead of talking with God about them. A choice to think God was punishing me for something I had done wrong.

That was 8 years ago. I started doing some things that helped me fight the slow fade and get back to the point where I was close to God again. I wish I could say that I’ve stayed there … close to God … but I haven’t. I have felt myself fading back and it’s extremely frustrating. I know what I need to do, yet I just don’t do it.

I decided to turn this blog into a place where I share with you some of my struggles and how I am fighting the slow fade. One of the biggest lies that the devil can feed us is that we are alone in what we’re thinking, what we’re feeling, and what we’re going through. The truth is we are never alone. I don’t want you to feel alone so if you can relate to my struggles, then we can pray for each other and help each other fight the slow fade.

One of the most important tools for fighting the slow fade is scripture.

For the word of God [is] living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. — Hebrews 4:12 (NKLV)

I have gotten away from reading my Bible. Starting January 1st, I will be posting a scripture here. I may comment on it. I may not. I don’t think my words are all that important, but I may want to share something about the scripture. So, if you would rather not have another email to deal with, please unsubscribe. You will not hurt my feelings — really. I don’t pay attention to the numbers anyway.

Now tell me something about you. Can you relate to the slow fade? What is one small thing you could do today to refocus on Jesus?