10 years ago today …

Disclaimer: There used to be a commercial on tv eons ago (back when you had to watch commercials not fast forward through them) where the model says “don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” Well, I’m here to say, “don’t hate me because of my story.” I’m getting ready to share some things and just as most women do, it may be easy to try and compare stories or say “yeah, well, this happened to me.” I mean this in the nicest way possible, don’t compare your story to mine. God made each one of us special and unique. He’s given each one of us a thousand different stories to share with each other — none better or worse than the rest.

In preparation for the event …

I was a mere 110 pounds when I got pregnant. I made Duck go to every birthing class, breastfeeding class, childcare class, etc. I was going to make sure we didn’t mess this baby up. The only part I didn’t like was the c-section video in the birthing class. I refused to watch it, listen to it, or even consider it might be a reality for me. Duck loved the video — he gets into those gory tv shows. I never got sick once. The best I’ve ever felt in my life was when I was pregnant. I actually loved to eat (which to tell the truth, I don’t now). I would finish an appetizer, my dinner and clean off Duck’s plate. Oh, then dessert. All evident by my weight upon entering the hospital — 178 pounds.

I thought the doctors I met in the rotation were funny. One week I had a lady doctor telling me to stop eating for two (at 38 weeks, isn’t it a bit late for that?). She swore I was going to have trouble losing the weight after delivery. I laughed. I laughed hard. I’ve never had anyone tell me I had an eating problem. The next week I saw a male doctor who told me my weight was perfect.

I had a plan. I was going to deliver naturally, have an epidural, and breastfeed. Oh, and I was going to be walking the halls right after giving birth.

10 years ago yesterday evening …

I started having contractions. Duck had 2 ball games (I’m thinking maybe 3 but we only went to 2 ball fields). Yes, I went and watched the games. Timing contractions and keeping score. He played on a team with his dad, his mom, his sister and her husband. The most aggravating thing about going? They all were hungry after the last game and went to Wendy’s. For some reason the smell of the food wasn’t sitting well with me. Thankfully they ate fast.

We went home and I continued timing. I got excited around midnight when the contractions were getting closer and I convinced Duck to go ahead and take me to the hospital. Off we went.

10 years ago today …

The doctor came in to check me. A measley 2 cm. He had that look on his face like he was going to send me home. My look won. He suggested walking around the halls some and he’d be back to check me in an hour or so. Duck helped me walk around the halls, holding me up when the contractions hit. After walking for about an hour, we went back to the room. My mother-in-law and father-in-law had gotten to the hospital by then and they joined in on the fun.

Remember those birthing classes we took? The ones with all the breathing techniques? Ha! Those went out the window. A contraction hit, and I tensed up every inch of my body. I held my breath and squeezed hands. Had a doctor or nurse been in the room, they may have told me “remember to breathe” but they weren’t around. Two hours after the doctor had checked me, Duck goes out and asks for him to come back. He did, reluctantly. I’m sure he thought I *might* be at 3 cm at best. I was at 5 cm and I was pissed. I wanted my epidural and if I had missed that point where they can give it, heads were going to roll. They rushed me into a birthing room. It looked a lot like a hotel room — couch, tv, pictures on the wall. Except for the hospital bed and monitors, I would have thought I was at the Holiday Inn.

5:02 am — That’s the precise time the epidural was put in place. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was staring at the clock frustrated that the dude had to wait until the contraction passed before he put it in. I felt relief and actually fell asleep.

Around 7:30 am other family started arriving. Mom, Dad, Sis and Duck’s sis. Everyone sat around the room just talking and joking. I was in and out of things until the alarms started going off. Looking back through my archives here, I wrote about this particular instance last year (It’s Doodle Time!). I went back to read that and I was actually quite impressed with what I wrote. I’ll let you go read that and then come back here.

The only thing to add to that is that Duck’s sis told me later that she was doing ok when they ushered the family out of my room into the waiting room. That was until she saw Dad crying. She lost it then, so I think a lot of them were crying in the waiting room — nobody knew yet what was happening.

After they broke my water and the monitors were calm again, everyone came back into the room. The doctor slipped in and out to check my progress. Finally it was time to push. Everyone except for Duck, Mom and Mom2 left the room. The nurse instructed me to get in different positions and she told me when to push. I pushed for a good hour when the doctor came back in for a checkup. I had not moved Doodle not even 1 cm. The doctor suggested turning the epidural down some so I could feel the contractions a little better hoping that I would then be able to “push right.” Though of course she didn’t say that.

Dude came back and lowered my epidural, and boy was I feeling it then! I pushed and pushed and pushed for another hour. I knew the doctor didn’t want to tell me so, but the look on her face said it all. I hadn’t moved her at all — and she was too far up for them to use any of their tools to go get her. Our options — keep pushing, or c-section.

I cried. Duck was crying. I told him I couldn’t push any more. I didn’t have anything left in me. I felt like I was a weakling — a failure. Millions of billions of women have given birth naturally — why couldn’t I? We told the doctor we would do the c-section. Then the contractions became really annoying. It took about an hour for the dude to come back and up the epidural again so I wouldn’t feel anything. It took about another 2 hours before they took me in for the c-section. Because the baby was doing well, I waited behind 2 other emergency c-sections.

Time … 3:43 pm
Weight … 7 lbs 14 oz
Length … 21 in

We  joked later that she didn’t want to mess up her hair and come out the other way. She’s been teaching me for 10 years now that life doesn’t always go as planned.

Happy Birthday Doodle!

This is one of my favorite pictures of her. Her hair is messy — you can’t really tell how long it’s gotten. But she’s got one of those “Doodle grins” on her face, like she’s up to something. And she’d been painting or something. That’s her. She’s my little artsy-fartsy daughter

I hope to get some better pictures of her tonight. We’re having a family cookout to celebrate her turning “double digits.” God’s brought us through the last 10 years and blessed us. I pray He’ll be with us for the next 10 and more! He knows I’m going to need a lot of help in the next few years!!