20 Days

That’s all it took — 20 days for me to fail on every single one of my “3 words for 2009” lofty goals. Actually probably less than that, but this morning I just reached the boiling point.

Last Thursday I was chatting with an online buddy. She’s been very concerned about people she’s seeing online who are addicts — addicted to Twitter, addicted to chatting with online buddies — the ladies who are neglecting house, husband and family and staying on the computer too long. I mentioned to her that I felt the same way — that I’d been on the computer too much lately.

Then Duck comes home mad. I wasn’t sure why. I just knew he was — you know, not looking me in the eyes, not speaking, not staying in the same room. Subtle things I pick up on. I’m pretty sharp that way. When Duck gets like that, I have to give him time and space which kills me because I want to know — I want to talk — I want to fix. When we finally talked, I learned he was jealous of my online buddies. He felt they were more important to me than he was. He had a bad day at work, and needed to talk to me, his best friend. Only I wasn’t really listening to him or paying him attention like I should have because I was multi-tasking — you know, twittering, skyping and reading on the web.

So here I failed at Live and Love and I know that failing at those two means that I’ve failed at Will. Well, the great thing about God, and Duck too, is that they both love me and are able to forgive me when I fail.

I’ll have to see how forgiving Doodle is this afternoon when I get her from school. This morning I decided she was going to eat breakfast (which she never really does). Three bites of egg was all I was asking. I got tired of her whining and complaining, and I yelled at her. I’m pretty sure it scared her because she stopped whining and complaining. Maybe I decided to make the switch from bad mom to good mom too quickly for her, but I haven’t been setting boundaries for her or making her do the things she needs to do herself. You can see the ramifications of that in her school work and her general attitude.

I’ll send up a few prayers today as I get off my computer. I recommend you do the same. Life is such a balance and I keep being unbalanced. I guess that’s what makes life interesting.