Women of Faith Just Lovin’ on ya!

It’s 11:15pm and I’m dog-tired. I’m not used to getting up and going so early in the morning. Then I didn’t get my nap in and all. But I’m finishing up my Big Mac and fries (shhh! don’t tell my trainer!) and thought I’d write. If this makes no sense, stop reading and know that I just need sleep

God has helped me realize many things and there’s still half a conference to go. I mentioned in my previous post that we don’t have a church home. I don’t have those kind of girlfriends that talk about everything and pray for each other — the kind that you live your life with. I’ve had them before, and I’m sure I’ll have them again. This is just the season we’re in.

A few weeks ago when I bought my ticket (procrastinate much? Why, yes. Yes, I do.), I was excited about going. I had asked 3 of my friends if they wanted to go too. Lisa 1, who I hadn’t seen in a few years, had already signed up to volunteer, so while I would see her, she was going to be sitting in the special volunteers section. Heather’s son is in the Super Bowl tomorrow, so she wouldn’t make it. Melissa said yes, she wanted to come but due to some health issues, she only wanted to come on Saturday.

I became a little less excited when I thought about the fact today is Halloween, and while for most of Doodle’s years she’s gone to fall festivals at church — dressed up — I wouldn’t be here to dress her up and take her trick or treating. Duck assured me that while he probably wouldn’t enjoy it much, he would take her out somewhere and he would handle taking her to school/picking her up.

So I bought my ticket, put the date on my calendar, and promptly didn’t give it another thought. Do you know that feeling that you’re always running behind? And then something sneaks up on you that you knew was coming, but never stopped to realize that it’s coming the next day? That’s how I felt last night. I was stressed. I hadn’t even thought about what I was going to wear much less pack. Coming to this conference I really wanted to hide out in the upper levels, in the shadows — where no one could see me. I don’t really know what it was that made me feel like that — maybe sin. My heart was not prepared. I was not in the right frame of mind to come to a conference like this.

I had told myself I would be quite content to stand in line, meet Patsy and get a picture (hopefully) so I could post it here with a been-there-done-that kind of attitude. When I heard the announcer call out my name and say Patsy wanted to meet me, I was floored y’all. I froze. I almost didn’t go down there. Remember, I really wanted to just hide out in the rafters? But I figured I would just go, meet her and get my picture — then I could fade back into the shadows. Afterall, who am I really? I mean, I’m no one special.

Patsy gave me that big hug, and moved me right up in the front section. I literally was shaking. I calmed down after I realized that no one was looking at me any more wondering who I was that Patsy had sat me down there with them. I just enjoyed everyone talking. And I got to talk to some of them. Y’all, I had no clue what to say to Jan Silvious. I know. I know. You’re gonna say they are human too. Yeah, I know that but don’t know that. Does that makes sense? Seriously though, following Shelia Walsh on Twitter has totally changed the way I view her. She’s a normal mom who goes to teacher conferences just like me — although I think her’s turns out better than mine are going to I don’t know what I thought before.

I started thinking again. Why would Patsy pull me down there? Why me? Patsy went out of her way to have tickets for me to come sit on the floor again tonight. This would be cool, I was thinking. When I got the tickets, and went to find my seat — y’all, I was on the front freaking row. I could have reached out and touched Shelia Walsh, Nicole Mullins, Natalie Grant, all of them. I was right.there.in.the.front.row.

Lisa Whelchel came in with Mary Graham who usually MCs the conferences. Lisa, I found out, is speaking with them next year on the tour. It was so totally wild seeing her in person. Watching her worship and sing — straight from her heart. Wow, she’s a real person too. She spoke one time about how none of us were there by chance. God knew we were going to be there — it was no mistake. Last night and this morning, I had started to think it was a mistake for me to come. Lisa wasn’t the only one who said that — others shared the same sentiment. Then she was talking about the hearts of the ladies on the porch (the area where the speakers sit during the main event). She said that all of these ladies were truly here just to love on us.

That’s what Patsy was doing. She was just loving on me. At first I wondered if she felt sorry for me because I was by myself, but I don’t think that was it. I honestly think she just wanted to love on me. When she came in for the session tonight, she walked over and gave me a hug. She asked how I was and all I could say was great and thank you. I was really touched by her gesture.

Sitting in the front row opened my eyes to a lot of things. One of them being that the lights are very bright. Then it struck me. I wanted to hide up in the top, in the shadows, but I can’t hide from God. He hasn’t forgotten me. Even though I haven’t acknowledged His presence, He’s always been with me. I came to this conference thinking that I would kinda skate on by without any truth really pricking my heart. And I end up sitting on the front row with what felt like a spotlight shining just on me. I felt like God was shining on me.

One last thing to share about the night before I crash. Shelia Walsh brought a very powerful message tonight. She spoke of her father who died when she was 5 and how she knew Jesus was with him in his last moments. Then she sang “When I Get Where I’m Going.” I fought back tears although I’m not sure why. It just brought back the feelings I’ve had before — things are tough on earth, and I just want to be in heaven with my Jesus.

But, it’s not for me to decide when I go to heaven. That’s for God to know. He’s not finished with me down here yet. He still has some work for me to do. And if I would stop being so doggone hard on myself and just focus on Him, maybe I’d get some of it done.

God bless you if you’ve made it this far through the ramblings, and stay tuned. Who knows what God will share with me tomorrow through these wonderful women? Before I go, let me give you a to do — go love on someone. Love on them for no reason. Love on them expecting nothing in return. Love on them because God loves on you.