Here I am Lord and I’m drowning
In Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest

I don’t want to end up
Where You found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight

I know You’ve cast my sin as far as
The east is from the west
And I stand before You now
As though I’ve never sinned

But today I feel like
I’m just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

{Casting Crowns: East to West}

I’ve had a lot of todays lately where “I feel like I’m just one mistake away.” I haven’t blogged here in over a month really, because I couldn’t stand the sight of my own website. The header made me feel guilty. I have been anything but “simply His.”

It’s not that I’ve done anything major — I’ve just been sliding away from God, slowly, little by little. We stopped going to one church because the pastor we liked resigned, and took way too long to start looking again. On my own I’ve been thinking, how did I get here? Is this really what I want to be doing? Only an identity crisis when you are not grounded in God’s Word, really sucks.

Am I writer? Did I truly hear God say that I should write? Well, then if He called me to write, why are all these other writers getting cool gigs? Why are all these other bloggers getting asked to write for these popular sites? So I think, well, why would they ask me to write? I haven’t written on my blog in a week or two. I’m so flaky. No one would ever want me to write for them.

Am I daughter? I haven’t called Mom and Dad in quite awhile, haven’t made the time to go eat with them. Am I a wife? I’ve been working too much to give Duck the attention he deserves. Am I a mother? Doodle has been acting out to get my attention away from my computer.

Maybe I should share right now that I really hate titles and labels. But how else do you answer the question “who am I?” I’ve let the devil distract me way too long. So, this morning when I woke up way too early — stressing all the things I’ve told people I’ll do — I’m taking the time to read some scripture. I recommend you stop now and read some yourself if you haven’t done so this morning. It’ll only take 2 minutes. Just a few verses is all you need.

I can’t live by what I feel
About the truth Your word reveals
And I’m not holding onto You
But You’re holding onto me, You’re holding onto me

{Casting Crowns: East to West}

Thank God! He’s holding onto me because my grip is slipping.