I know y’all have at one time or another spun around in a circle until you fell on your bee-hind dizzy. That’s how I have felt for awhile now — except I feel like I’ve been spinning for several months.

I am a writer. I determined (almost a full year ago) God was calling me to write — not to work on a business from home or making money (at least not to focus on those things), but just to write. Take care of my family, my house, myself and just write.

Here’s the thing. I am a Fact Finder. I found that term when I took a Kolbe test. Here’s a quote from the website explaining what a Fact Finder does:

Fact Finder Action Mode is based on the instinctive need to probe. Fact Finder behavior relates to the way we gather information. Fact Finder drive is most oriented to activities that encompass defining, calculating, formalizing, and researching.

This is me to a capital “T”. I will literally research something to death. Since I decided “I am a Writer” … I have been on a journey of researching everything there is to writing, publishing, marketing, etc. — all to the extreme point that I have not been writing. See the irony?

When I took that test, the action mode I scored the lowest in was Follow Through — implementation specifically. I know so much stuff. There are things floating in my head that I could spout out to you if you asked me — yet I have not had the Follow Through to actually write it all down.

I have been dizzy, still trying to figure out what God wants me to be when I grow up. But I had a very enlightening conversation with my friend Lori yesterday as she colored my hair (that’s another post in itself). She reminded me that we are all going through seasons in our life. God is constantly working on us. His timing is not our own. I’m not magically going to decide one day “I am a Writer” and it’s miraculously all going to happen. I’m not going to have publishers knocking down my door to get my story. I’m not going to have people holding me accountable for writing either. I need self-discipline and patience. Those seem to be the two hardest things in the world for me.

So, feeling better that I don’t have to have it all done today, I got up early this morning for my devotion time. I began reading Marybeth Whalen’s For the Write Reason and I got confirmation from God. The first chapter is something Lysa TerKeurst shared in her book What Happens When Women Walk in Faith. The following sentences really touched me:

But even in this seemingly ineffective time of pruning and trials, God was preparing me for a season to come. This was not a waste of time. This “getting ready” period was an important part of fulfilling my calling.

I am so thankful God can use all I’ve done in the past year to get me ready. I’m thankful He’s preparing me for whatever is to come. I’m thankful I can stop feeling like I’ve been totally wasting my time. The knowledge is in my head now. I just need Him to show me how to get it out so that it can bless others. I’m also thankful for people like Lysa. I love how transparent and real she is — and to share all she’s been through and how God’s used her. All of the P31 women seem like real women I can relate to — not the “got it all together” woman I think of when I think of the Proverbs 31 woman. My prayer is God will still use me even though I go off on rabbit trails when He had me on the path I needed to go.