a cycle. I go round and round and round. I think I learn something. Then I come back to the same spot, asking the same questions — yet again.

My Genius Better Half has great patience with me. He notices my cycles and just calmly tells me the same thing he told me last time I asked the same question. Do any of you do this? I honestly hope I’m not the only one. I’ll give you an example.

Seven years ago (roughly), we decided I would quit my job and stay at home. Now, this was not a typical move even for a Christian couple because my daughter would still go to daycare. I was to take a year off from working outside the home and … do what? That was my question at the time. My Genius Better Half wrote down a priority to do list for me and left it on my computer screen. Here’s what was on the list:

1. Love God
2. Love yourself
3. Love Duck
4. Love Doodle

I know what some of you are thinking — aw that’s sweet or I wish I had a husband that would tell me to stay home and do nothing. But I tell you it’s a constant struggle — it truly is. The guilt from taking a nap one afternoon when my husband’s slaving in the office making all the money wears on me. I wanted to work from home — to help bring home some kind of money. I don’t cook. I don’t like to clip coupons. I’m not a very good shopper. So I wanted to be able to contribute more money into the hole that swallows it.

I started with web design. Then I switched over into web hosting. Then it was virtual assistance. Nothing seemed to work for me. I honestly don’t have good business sense. I am the type of person who will research to death but never really put the information into action. Rather, I just can’t bring myself to charge people — I want to help them. I can tell you what makes a good business. I just don’t want to deal with selling and customer support. How much easier all that is when you work for a company and have a steady paycheck coming in. When you’re running your own business though — you do EVERYTHING yourself.

In the midst of all this switching from web design to web hosting to virtual assistance, I’d have the same conversations with my Genius Better Half. He’d patiently give me the same answers (refer to the list above). He would tell me I don’t need to run a business from home. He would tell me he didn’t care if I did web design or web hosting or virtual whatever. Do you know how excruciatingly PAINFUL it was to get answers like that?

Ack! So the latest round of the same answers led me to expand on the original list he gave me. It helped me to write out things I can do to love God (pray, quiet time, read the Bible, etc.) and to love myself (remember to shower everyday, dress in something other than t-shirts every now and again, workout, try to eat right, etc.). Through all of this, I’ve come to the conclusion (again — yes, again because if I would’ve listened, God told me this 4 years ago) that I should write. My head is full of information and some of it may actually be useful to someone. The thing I’m struggling with now though is money. If I’m writing for God, why should I charge someone for that when salvation’s free? Know what I mean? Or do I need to develop a full-fledged writing business? Or should I just follow God’s will and write without worrying about money?

I often get caught up in what I should be doing in big ways (like go on a mission trip in another country or run a ministry at church or well, you get the point). My Genius Better Half wrote the following in an email to me and I thought it was just awesome. [I've added it to my random thingys up in the header so be on the lookout for it!]

You don’t have to be a light to the masses, just to those around you that God places in your path. — My Genius Better Half

I love that and I love My Genius Better Half. I guess God really doesn’t make mistakes since He gave me Duck  :mrgreen: